Au Revoir

Each and every time when I pen my thoughts on this electronic parchment, a tinge of sadness would normally envelope my heart. It screams sadly for the days that I've spent with all of you this time will soon come to an end like the sun setting, making for way for the night to reign supreme.

 Departing has never been an easy pill to swallow for it is bitter like the bitter gourd. Somehow we must come to terms with this reality of life. Talk about life, it reminds me of the wonderful moments that we get to share with all of you the droplets of sweat and tears, pain, sorrow, agony, and not forgetting the jubilant, happiness and laughter.

 Anyway, it's a biggest pleasure for standing by all of us here together through thick and thin. It's your attitude and aptitude of showing your gratefulness and invaluable services that touches hearts! This quality of yours is an asset many cannot claim to possess. These and many other experiences you have should be treasured for they will be the greatest tools you have in your hands. You have proven it yourself through this small demonstration and by all means prove it again when you step into the working world for they become more useful to you. Here, wishing all of you well in your future endeavour and have strong convictions to believe that you should thrive in your chosen vocation.

 Last but not least,  please have my thousands of apologise here if I have caused any inconveniences, misunderstandings, slowdowns, troubles and failures to anyone of you! I may have failed in doings, but my good intentions will never fade...

 Well, we shall part from here like a baby being torn from the mother, like the day retreating for the darkness, like the moment the Titanic sank, like the last breath of man and like the last day you spend time as one here. It is pain and pain but the behind the pain we see each other grow to become a responsible and mature yound adults. Au revoir and take care!

( Source: Modified from a Teacher's Booklet )
~Goodbye~

Climax of the Journey; The Turning Point!

Physiological find-a-word has described me being; SAD, EPIC, LOVE

Before I could do anything,
I realize that my 19 years of living is in the dark...sounds horrible and epic, huh?

Alright, this post can be the continuous to my http://keenho.blogspot.com/2010/12/worst-ending.html

Well yeah...this is the critical time, the very peak moment for me to walk through as ALL sort of PROBLEMS pay me a visit at once!
First thing first, it's true that I always say, everything comes from a home.
I guess this is how I've been brought-up to what I am now.
Every time when I'm home, I don't feel peace, and the warmth of love.
But I know I have to accept it without blaming anyone.
Sometimes I wish back to be just a child who do not know what actually a problem is, but in my past more or less I did feel it somehow....hmmmm...
Right now, knowing that I'm the root of the family...
it really gimme a burden to hold.
I wonder, if there's no root, will it fall?
Two options now, either CARE or DON'T CARE.
I guess everything will come to a conclusion after my final exam.
Whatever it is, I just don't want Them to suffer anymore,
thus LETTING GO should be just the best way, I guess... Such a waste still...

Next up, I feel really bad for spoiling MY bond all by my own hands.
I've nothing to say about this except full of Regrets...
But I still wanna say, "SORRY if I've hurt you."
Whether you see this anot, or whether you'll approach me again anot,
I still hope so.
Gosh...somehow I feel like I've done so horribly all the way,
but too stupid not sure what it is,
and feel like now have been abandoned from the world,
and even wanna hide myself away from the world.
Meanwhile, STPM is just around the corner, but I'm totally not ready for It yet!
If This is the final key to unlock my future goal,
I MUST make good use of the remaining days,
despite having to face such unsolvable obstacles, which is very demotivating!
As usual like I've mentioned, I have no health problem except,
my nervous system which is getting more serious due to stress, and INSOMNIA!
Unstable state, I can't take it anymore, and I feel like I can collapse at anytime. A sudden-death time bomb, huh?
Seriously, I do need support from YOU, at least for a moment :(
How I wish to get out from home, from darkness, to have some trips and travels, a real fun of life, to have my genuine new life, but there's always MONEY that matters! Haiz...

After going through all my past updates,
I find that I can't really put words into actions.
Well said, but badly done!
What a big talk I am after all, but can't apply it...such a failure...haha...

Well, whatever it is, I believe there's still a purpose for me to live on earth.
I shall light up the Will of Fire,
to make this turning point to have a better end point,
for what I'm still Your GODson after all!
Thank GOD I had two miracles this year, may I have another one please?
HOPE?
Is there really always a light of hope in the darkness?
Or is everything actually nothing and I'm just making my life miserable?
I've cried all my tears dry and now I only wanna cry happy tears.

If possible, I will not see it as a problem but a challenge!

~ If I Don't Ever Exist, Perhaps You Won't Prolong Your Suffers ~

The Pearl?
A very sad ending eh...
but He still have Someone to walk beside with...

Nightmare

Starts early in the morning at the school, where the sky is still sunless. School lesson's carried on as usual. The surroundings of everybody studying is as usual. Feel of the warmness where every single friend gather around, chat around, play around. Very enjoyable, very peaceful, very simple, very warm.

But just when I make a blink, the whole building turns into blackout all of a sudden. It is unusual dark, looks like a haunted building drawn in the manga style image. The darkness where the lights couldn't escape from, objects that lights couldn't reflect from, leaving the surrounding without even shadows to be seen.

My hand reaches my pocket automatically, and there's a torchlight inside. Light it up but it's too dim to shine a thousand candles bright. But I can't bring out my handphone to contact or at least for some lights, for there's school rules to obey. Everyone seems to be panic and worried. Yelling comes from the mouth, but crying comes from the bottom of the heart where no one can hear. Feel of coldness this time, reaching the freezing point of the heart. Yeah...it feels like a doom's day.

A sudden random word appears to me, "LOYALTY". What does it mean? When I open my eyes, it's still morning but this time it has the theme of the moonlit night, and give me a break, it's time for me to go to school!

~A natural blackout is when God turns off Its lights and goes to bed~
I should have woken up when "September" ends...
but I'm going to bed at this time...till one day...just wait...wait....