#7 - The Law of Outdated Being

A long time it has been, it seems, since I have stopped blogging. Yeah, it has been inactive and was allowed to switch into 'sleeping' mode for quite a long period. So now please wake up from sleep! The same thing goes to its blogger, who needs discipline as every time is defeated by his laziness and negative attitudes. I can say that so far I have done and possessed nothing useful at all throughout my Form 6 life this 3 months roughly. This has defined the meaning of sleeping mode, which means sleeping has no work done and nothing is gained. So, I guess my time has been wasted for nothing except the hardship of Form 6. I really need to wake up!

Well, when it comes to hardship, I guess I should talk something of my story here. Aduh, Form6 oh Form6. Why are you so tough? I don't know what others thing about it, but as for me, it's like a difference between sky and ground compared to Form5. It's now the matter of well-time management, high-focus, and consistency but not the 'last minute' strategy that can be applied in Form5. Even if I understood what teachers are teaching, I still can hardly apply in solving questions. However, I still believe in the idiom of 'practise makes perfect'. Honestly, this August test, I failed with flying colours! Somebody please helps me and no more 'last minute' strategy!!!

Ohya, let me put this filler in to make it longer. I would like to continue my story after my #4 - working life ends. It ended on 14 Feb and on 15 March I have received my first salary in the form of cheque. But unfortunately due to myKad's microchip unaccessiblity, it blocked me to open my first bank account ever for the salary transferring. When it's after my 18th birthday on 17th April, I could renew my IC. The process took about 1 month time and when I could take back my new IC, the school's already reopened. With that, I had spent 30% my salary for the school reopen stuff. Namely school attires, fees, books, etc and RM200 to my dad, RM400 left for me. I thought it's time to learn driving but I'm not sure I have time for this in Form6 and at the same time, I was very keen to upgrade my ciplak handphone. That's why till today I still haven't get my driving license yet. I'm so proud that others have gotten theirs, but even if I have gotten mine, from where to get a car for me to drive? But I love my new mobilephone now and I couldn't ask more for what I'm having(computer with internet) now thanks to my dad and sis.

Now, I come to know that studying in Form6 is quite expensive, eh. Especially when you include all those special events and co-curriculum activities, there'r all about money. I'm so thankful to my dad's and sis's financial support even we are having family financial problem. I really have no idea of how to repay YOU. I have a point of working part-time in my mind but it turns as dream as I can hardly find free time for even my studies. To add salt to injury, I'm currently given the responsibility to manage books in my school library since I chose to join the librarian. What a pain when I have no experience to do all those stuff as a newbie. Why I'm the one chosen?

So far, I can mainly feel tired and sleep in the evening and night. I even have neglected my daily exercise which I used to practise earlier. With that, I know my body gradually becomes weaker and weaker and so for my stamina.
Gosh...I feel like myself is having devolution instead of improving by times. I find my language is actually deteriorating and I'm lack of languages(especially Mandarin), lack of knowledges, lack of talents and also lack of self-confidence. How am I gonna live on with these? OR how am I gonna improve myself from these? Pain...

Eh, about my love life? I don't dare to think about it even if I have feelings of it. As what Chi Hong said, JUST DO STAY POSITIVE. Having a crush on somebody who is not possible yours is really painful. Pain...
I should think for my own future or at least settle it down first instead of thinking the other 'half future' at the first place.



"...There has to be the right thing to do,
when you'r hurt u learn to hate,
when u hurt someone, you'r resented,
and start to feel guilty as well...
however, understanding such pain enables u to be kind to others,
knowing pain helps us to grow up, to mature,
and to grow up means being able to think,
and make one's decisions on their own...
to know and reflect on pain, and come up with your own answer..."

~by Pain(Nagato),Naruto.