#8 - The Law of Nothingness

A word 'nothing' which simply indicates the absence of something, is a word I kinda like. It simply means peace to me. "...feels like nothing". Though it sounds bored, at least I'm free from something that bothers me. Imagine how free and relief it can be when you manage to say it out genuinely that you've NOTHING to do, NOTHING to worry about, etc. Free from burdensome and troublesome. The usage of 'nothing' helps alot when you don't feel like explaining on something that people ask. Answering, "Oh, it's nothing..." or "nothing in particular"...and it shall be the end of story.
Perhaps I'm a kinda person who has nothing to say, don't wanna talk much or maybe I actually don't know how to talk la in any kind of conversation.
With that, people around me can find me lonely and quiet. If you ask me something I answer something, that's it. Yeah I know it sounds real bored and not lively, but that's me.
Meanwhile, I also don't like others to know my own problem. Even if you sound it out from your heart, it can only comfort you more or gives you more choices to make(if anyone gives you some better ideas), at the end the solution still has to be made out by yourself. It's like when you're having an illness and go for a doctor's help, they can only give you the right medicine, it's up to you to take the medicine and follow the therapy or not. No one can cure you if you don't wanna cure yourself.

If I'm given a choice to live, I would prefer the world in the state of emptiness. The world of freedom. Even in the world of materialistic, mankind are still having lots of problems among themselves. Nihilism also exists which argues that life is without objective meaning, purpose, or intrinsic value. In this way, peace can't be achieved even we have lots of modern entertainments due to our self-centredness and self-absorption which are ascendant. Eventually, it's found that everything was pointless, full of misery or bodings of misery with no escape other than the certain black nothingness of death. It seems 'self' is too much important to oneself that couldn't be let go, thus definitely will suffer in the circle of life with greediness, hatred/love, addiction.
If there's a born, there'll be old and ill, then death. And it repeats as a circle. But remember, nothing is permanent. Even mountain can collapse, rocks can break, stones can decay, sand can flow away. So, people should really throw away the 'self' in order to achieve true peace.

If there's nothing, there's no something.
Well still, it's just a random thought.
However just like the mood of the title above, there will be nothing new to read here later on, till then...

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#7 - The Law of Outdated Being

A long time it has been, it seems, since I have stopped blogging. Yeah, it has been inactive and was allowed to switch into 'sleeping' mode for quite a long period. So now please wake up from sleep! The same thing goes to its blogger, who needs discipline as every time is defeated by his laziness and negative attitudes. I can say that so far I have done and possessed nothing useful at all throughout my Form 6 life this 3 months roughly. This has defined the meaning of sleeping mode, which means sleeping has no work done and nothing is gained. So, I guess my time has been wasted for nothing except the hardship of Form 6. I really need to wake up!

Well, when it comes to hardship, I guess I should talk something of my story here. Aduh, Form6 oh Form6. Why are you so tough? I don't know what others thing about it, but as for me, it's like a difference between sky and ground compared to Form5. It's now the matter of well-time management, high-focus, and consistency but not the 'last minute' strategy that can be applied in Form5. Even if I understood what teachers are teaching, I still can hardly apply in solving questions. However, I still believe in the idiom of 'practise makes perfect'. Honestly, this August test, I failed with flying colours! Somebody please helps me and no more 'last minute' strategy!!!

Ohya, let me put this filler in to make it longer. I would like to continue my story after my #4 - working life ends. It ended on 14 Feb and on 15 March I have received my first salary in the form of cheque. But unfortunately due to myKad's microchip unaccessiblity, it blocked me to open my first bank account ever for the salary transferring. When it's after my 18th birthday on 17th April, I could renew my IC. The process took about 1 month time and when I could take back my new IC, the school's already reopened. With that, I had spent 30% my salary for the school reopen stuff. Namely school attires, fees, books, etc and RM200 to my dad, RM400 left for me. I thought it's time to learn driving but I'm not sure I have time for this in Form6 and at the same time, I was very keen to upgrade my ciplak handphone. That's why till today I still haven't get my driving license yet. I'm so proud that others have gotten theirs, but even if I have gotten mine, from where to get a car for me to drive? But I love my new mobilephone now and I couldn't ask more for what I'm having(computer with internet) now thanks to my dad and sis.

Now, I come to know that studying in Form6 is quite expensive, eh. Especially when you include all those special events and co-curriculum activities, there'r all about money. I'm so thankful to my dad's and sis's financial support even we are having family financial problem. I really have no idea of how to repay YOU. I have a point of working part-time in my mind but it turns as dream as I can hardly find free time for even my studies. To add salt to injury, I'm currently given the responsibility to manage books in my school library since I chose to join the librarian. What a pain when I have no experience to do all those stuff as a newbie. Why I'm the one chosen?

So far, I can mainly feel tired and sleep in the evening and night. I even have neglected my daily exercise which I used to practise earlier. With that, I know my body gradually becomes weaker and weaker and so for my stamina.
Gosh...I feel like myself is having devolution instead of improving by times. I find my language is actually deteriorating and I'm lack of languages(especially Mandarin), lack of knowledges, lack of talents and also lack of self-confidence. How am I gonna live on with these? OR how am I gonna improve myself from these? Pain...

Eh, about my love life? I don't dare to think about it even if I have feelings of it. As what Chi Hong said, JUST DO STAY POSITIVE. Having a crush on somebody who is not possible yours is really painful. Pain...
I should think for my own future or at least settle it down first instead of thinking the other 'half future' at the first place.



"...There has to be the right thing to do,
when you'r hurt u learn to hate,
when u hurt someone, you'r resented,
and start to feel guilty as well...
however, understanding such pain enables u to be kind to others,
knowing pain helps us to grow up, to mature,
and to grow up means being able to think,
and make one's decisions on their own...
to know and reflect on pain, and come up with your own answer..."

~by Pain(Nagato),Naruto.

#6 - The Law of Discipline

As usual, I keep on trying to practise something useful everyday. But honestly I've skipped those habitual activities for several days due to my laziness. I admit that I've no discipline to do anything, and even fail to start a new resolution for myself. Sigh, I know I really can hardly control myself even just to follow my timetable and finally end up playing in the whole day and staying up late at night. Although I understand it's a bad habit that people shouldn't follow, I just couldn't help myself. Is it because the devil of me?

Well, discipline is the instant willingness and obedience to all orders, respect for authority, self reliance and teamwork. The ability to do the right thing even when no one is watching or suffer the consequences of guilt which produces pain in our bodies, through pain comes discipline. Initially, we practise school discipline when we are in childhood. However, not everyone is well disciplined, instead they commit to the increasing disciplinary problems in school, included me.

Self discipline is very important yet no one can actually maintain it in 100%. I want THE POWER TO DISCIPLINE ONE'S OWN FEELINGS, DESIRES, ETC. which is called SELF DISCIPLINE, PLEASE! in order to beat the devil of me and unblock the intention to improve myself. Generally, self-discipline is the assertion of willpower over more base desires, and is usually understood to be a synonym of 'self control'. Self-discipline is to some extent a substitute for motivation, when one uses reason to determine a best course of action that opposes one's desires. Virtuous behavior is when one's motivations are aligned with one's reasoned aims: to do what you know is best and to do it genuinely gladly. Continent behavior, on the other hand, is when one does what one knows is best, but must do it by opposing one's motivations. Moving from continent to virtuous behavior requires training and some self discipline.

Well, let's see who can really maintain its own discipline...

~ The biggest enemy is your inner self ~ by kH