#10 - The Law of Looking For A Change

A very hello to my blog and my fellow blog readers! Well, I actually don't feel like updating my blog very often. It's not that I don't have the time to do so, I just don't have the mood and have nothing to write about. But sometimes throwing every feeling here is a good idea too. By the way, I do enjoy reading others' blog as well^^

A saying I've recently heard from others, "Changing is the only thing unchanged" (or something like that) clearly states that the world keeps changing and it's undeniably non-stop. So tell me, what's permanent? None at all. Guess I wish I could change myself too and turn over a new leaf, a new start, a new life, for a better but before the next upcoming new year as things will be too late to be changed in last minute. But how? Stubborn people like me always sticks to the same old story and can hardly change, eh. I have sleep problem again, I have study problem again and I have...haiz. Inappropriate sleeping habit, laziness and facebook addiction really can kill me.

Mankind always looks for evolution and NOT devolution or a constant! When I look at my surroundings, my friends and others, I seem like I'm just walking without effort here looking at their back hopelessly and I wonder, how far have you all been and how far can you all possibly reach before I can catch up with you all? Gosh, I sometimes feel like I'm still living behind the times. Is the world turning way too fast or I'm just moving too slow? Yeah, I know I'm not talented in most of the things and I'm tired of being the last one but I always do.

Since I'd chosen to remain in science stream, I've told myself that this time is my very last hard chance staying in my school and I gotta put my very best effort for this, unlike my past SPM papers which I'm honestly dissatisfied as I didn't try my best at all for that. But once again, I broke my promise and time's wasted till now. Looking at the syllabus that I'm taking now really makes me feel like throwing all those books. Sometimes I don't even know what am I studying and now I'm still feeling lost in my road. I don't know what I'm writing here as well. I've set-up my pillow and tried to picture out about my future, but it's just a vacuum in my mind. I don't have much interest on things, thus I've no idea what the aim of my life is and I can't shape it well.

I also feel disappointed to hear that some of my colleagues have given up, some have changed to art stream, some have moved out to college, while some have decided to quit Form6. Somehow this makes me feel like giving up too. I can't blame neither the class nor the teachers as I can say I'm lucky and glad to have a good class after all. LSS2 my current class, you rocks! However, although it's really relax in the class, I can feel the danger in academic for being too relax. Meanwhile, I have complaints from my neighbor colleagues claiming that they are having problems with their respective classes and teachers. Seriously, it ain't a very good idea to over-pressurize students and I'm sorry that I can't help you guys out. However, neither way is good too. Being too relax can leads to laziness, being too tensed may leads to craziness!

And again, I feel like I've been abandoned again, leaving me a bitter taste of being an extra in the world. Well, this is pretty much similar to what one of my friends feels, but I don't know what he's up to. But for me I've an old friend and could be partner in my current class initially but now he's not that close to me anymore. Okay, I don't wanna go any further about him but I wonder what's wrong with me. Yeah, I understand this feeling and it's sometimes really unbearable that I stopped typing this, switched off the computer and went onto the bed or out for a see-saw for a moment. This moody feeling just strike on me without unknown reason sometimes. Am I emo-ing? Guess I shouldn't think too much and let it happens spontaneously.

Today's already in the middle of November and will soon move on to December, a closing of year 2010. There're plenty things I wanna do. I want to travel badly, having a trip, visit or a camp will do. I want to have a taste in driving and finish my driving test but I still haven't start taking it for a reason. I wanna update myself with TVB dramas too, like others. But dreams act like dreams(it's not realistic) as I realize that this upcoming big holiday is the time to brush up my studies or else it will be too late to do so next year. If I've wasted this last golden time, I might not be able to catch up and I might give up. Currently have an urge to read literatures and I should have sometime for it.

Well said, but still I believe in the saying that let nature takes its own course, just gives it your best shot. I will let everything happens spontaneously and I won't go too far on one thing but I'll do what I supposed to do, that's all. There're secrets I can't tell and please, let the secret be a secret. Guess I'm not wrong as I believe everyone has its own secrets. Throughout the year, things happen up and down with bittersweet. Although I'm not sure what I can do, I'm still definitely hoping for a change, a better and more comfortable yet a simple life. But one thing I know I wanna change is the way I blog, doesn't it looks too wordy? Maybe short and simple with more graphics should be better...


~Take a look at yourself, and make a change!~