#End - The Law of A Worst Ending...

As stated in my very first post, I hope for a fruitful year ahead. But it seems once again, a hope is just another hope against hope and a disappointment to me. Instead, these years continuously had 'grown' bitter fruits for me to taste and it can't even leave me alone for this last short month of the year. I've been haunted for a same conflict since I was a child and tolerance finally can't withhold the hatred of a broken relationship, reaching a bad ending soon. Thought time can dissolves everything especially hard times but unfortunately not for this time. Happiness won't last forever, but sadness stays in the rest of your life!

Apparently everything that I have doesn't mean I really can own'em to MY very last minute. A lot of things have left from me, not even leaving their shadows to me but only precious memories and the feeling of missing. With bad things happen continuously, I'm now down for real, not knowing what to do at the moment, while at the same time leaving all my homeworks and revisions untouched!

This is my first year in my history I didn't celebrate Winter Solstice Festival
not even get to taste a single 'Tang Yuan' (Glutinous Rice Ball) for a reason
...not really celebrating both New Years
(since my late grandparents aren't around anymore last year)
...not celebrating my birthday
(as like most of the years)
...and absolutely none of a single family event
(since my Dad doesn't encourage that)
...leaving me bored in the house while
those family members' relation's getting further and further apart.
The only unforgettable happy moments that I had is
when the time with all my friends mostly in gatherings!

I wish I have the power to bond back the broken 'string' but again, a hope is just a hope against hope and couldn't win against Fate.

Please tell me the answer, is fate unchangeable?

Even at his most powerless, man's existence is never without meaning.

However if you're trying to go against fate, you're going against
the Law of Nature?

And the outcome could be even worse...

Anyway, even if I don't enjoy my days I still hope that everyone out there does so...

Happy Winter Solstice Festival, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year
 to everyone who is celebrating!

#10 - The Law of Looking For A Change

A very hello to my blog and my fellow blog readers! Well, I actually don't feel like updating my blog very often. It's not that I don't have the time to do so, I just don't have the mood and have nothing to write about. But sometimes throwing every feeling here is a good idea too. By the way, I do enjoy reading others' blog as well^^

A saying I've recently heard from others, "Changing is the only thing unchanged" (or something like that) clearly states that the world keeps changing and it's undeniably non-stop. So tell me, what's permanent? None at all. Guess I wish I could change myself too and turn over a new leaf, a new start, a new life, for a better but before the next upcoming new year as things will be too late to be changed in last minute. But how? Stubborn people like me always sticks to the same old story and can hardly change, eh. I have sleep problem again, I have study problem again and I have...haiz. Inappropriate sleeping habit, laziness and facebook addiction really can kill me.

Mankind always looks for evolution and NOT devolution or a constant! When I look at my surroundings, my friends and others, I seem like I'm just walking without effort here looking at their back hopelessly and I wonder, how far have you all been and how far can you all possibly reach before I can catch up with you all? Gosh, I sometimes feel like I'm still living behind the times. Is the world turning way too fast or I'm just moving too slow? Yeah, I know I'm not talented in most of the things and I'm tired of being the last one but I always do.

Since I'd chosen to remain in science stream, I've told myself that this time is my very last hard chance staying in my school and I gotta put my very best effort for this, unlike my past SPM papers which I'm honestly dissatisfied as I didn't try my best at all for that. But once again, I broke my promise and time's wasted till now. Looking at the syllabus that I'm taking now really makes me feel like throwing all those books. Sometimes I don't even know what am I studying and now I'm still feeling lost in my road. I don't know what I'm writing here as well. I've set-up my pillow and tried to picture out about my future, but it's just a vacuum in my mind. I don't have much interest on things, thus I've no idea what the aim of my life is and I can't shape it well.

I also feel disappointed to hear that some of my colleagues have given up, some have changed to art stream, some have moved out to college, while some have decided to quit Form6. Somehow this makes me feel like giving up too. I can't blame neither the class nor the teachers as I can say I'm lucky and glad to have a good class after all. LSS2 my current class, you rocks! However, although it's really relax in the class, I can feel the danger in academic for being too relax. Meanwhile, I have complaints from my neighbor colleagues claiming that they are having problems with their respective classes and teachers. Seriously, it ain't a very good idea to over-pressurize students and I'm sorry that I can't help you guys out. However, neither way is good too. Being too relax can leads to laziness, being too tensed may leads to craziness!

And again, I feel like I've been abandoned again, leaving me a bitter taste of being an extra in the world. Well, this is pretty much similar to what one of my friends feels, but I don't know what he's up to. But for me I've an old friend and could be partner in my current class initially but now he's not that close to me anymore. Okay, I don't wanna go any further about him but I wonder what's wrong with me. Yeah, I understand this feeling and it's sometimes really unbearable that I stopped typing this, switched off the computer and went onto the bed or out for a see-saw for a moment. This moody feeling just strike on me without unknown reason sometimes. Am I emo-ing? Guess I shouldn't think too much and let it happens spontaneously.

Today's already in the middle of November and will soon move on to December, a closing of year 2010. There're plenty things I wanna do. I want to travel badly, having a trip, visit or a camp will do. I want to have a taste in driving and finish my driving test but I still haven't start taking it for a reason. I wanna update myself with TVB dramas too, like others. But dreams act like dreams(it's not realistic) as I realize that this upcoming big holiday is the time to brush up my studies or else it will be too late to do so next year. If I've wasted this last golden time, I might not be able to catch up and I might give up. Currently have an urge to read literatures and I should have sometime for it.

Well said, but still I believe in the saying that let nature takes its own course, just gives it your best shot. I will let everything happens spontaneously and I won't go too far on one thing but I'll do what I supposed to do, that's all. There're secrets I can't tell and please, let the secret be a secret. Guess I'm not wrong as I believe everyone has its own secrets. Throughout the year, things happen up and down with bittersweet. Although I'm not sure what I can do, I'm still definitely hoping for a change, a better and more comfortable yet a simple life. But one thing I know I wanna change is the way I blog, doesn't it looks too wordy? Maybe short and simple with more graphics should be better...


~Take a look at yourself, and make a change!~

#9 - The Law of The 35 Thingy In Facebook

Aim : To know more about You who I've tagged and to follow the rules of this 35 thingy
Theory : Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 35 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you.
Procedure : Write 35 things you wanna share with. At the end, tag anyone you can think of, including the one who tagged you. If you have already wrote this note before, kindly tag me in it.

My Contents:
1. I have eyelashes of about 1 cm long!
2. Styling and combing my hair is a waste of time
3. I need more sleep! Always have insomnia...
4. My opinion, people should sleep EARLY AT NIGHT not day time...but I never do that successfully :(
5. I still feel that I'm underweight even though my BMI is 19.8 which is in the ideal weight category
6. I wanna grow taller too
7. I like trying new things but will never master it as skillful as others
8. I'm kinda lazy worm ~
9. Never study for exam, study for your future...but I always only study when exam comes
10. Somehow, have lost interest and concentration in studies
11. I want back my spirit of Standard 6 when I happened to be a 'study type'
12. I don't talk much these few years for unknown reason...hmm
13. I'm always alone...but I know I have friends out there...Yo, guys!
14. I miss my late one(s) a lot =(
15. I love animals and don't murder insects^^
16. I rear dogs, fishes, hamsters, turtles, and cats in my house!
17. I love a simple rural life somehow rather than an urban life
18. I love my phone and I need a phone string for her
19. I appreciate things given
20. I cheated death twice! Thank God~
21. I happened to be a noob kid during my childhood
22. I eat to live, not live to eat
23. I always look at my phone and wait for something for unknown reason...
24. I wanna play all Suikoden game series so badly =(
25. If I hate a person, I don't talk a single word to that fellow...but now I'm very forgiving^^
26. I like ramen^^
27. I like to run and jog...but sucks in sports
28. I'm a pure banana...and so don't speak with me Mandarin, Tamil, Japanese, etc. other than Cantonese, English and Malay...please
29. Because I study in SMI since primary...I'm too gonna get that silver spoon thing
30. I like white and green...and black as well, but used to like blue
31. I kinda like anime and is now chasing after Naruto's anime and manga weekly jump
32. I somehow don't know how to react in certain simple situation
34. I wonder who is actually reading this word by word @@
35. It's way too long that you probably don't realize my content of 33's missing =D