#End - The Law of A Worst Ending...

As stated in my very first post, I hope for a fruitful year ahead. But it seems once again, a hope is just another hope against hope and a disappointment to me. Instead, these years continuously had 'grown' bitter fruits for me to taste and it can't even leave me alone for this last short month of the year. I've been haunted for a same conflict since I was a child and tolerance finally can't withhold the hatred of a broken relationship, reaching a bad ending soon. Thought time can dissolves everything especially hard times but unfortunately not for this time. Happiness won't last forever, but sadness stays in the rest of your life!

Apparently everything that I have doesn't mean I really can own'em to MY very last minute. A lot of things have left from me, not even leaving their shadows to me but only precious memories and the feeling of missing. With bad things happen continuously, I'm now down for real, not knowing what to do at the moment, while at the same time leaving all my homeworks and revisions untouched!

This is my first year in my history I didn't celebrate Winter Solstice Festival
not even get to taste a single 'Tang Yuan' (Glutinous Rice Ball) for a reason
...not really celebrating both New Years
(since my late grandparents aren't around anymore last year)
...not celebrating my birthday
(as like most of the years)
...and absolutely none of a single family event
(since my Dad doesn't encourage that)
...leaving me bored in the house while
those family members' relation's getting further and further apart.
The only unforgettable happy moments that I had is
when the time with all my friends mostly in gatherings!

I wish I have the power to bond back the broken 'string' but again, a hope is just a hope against hope and couldn't win against Fate.

Please tell me the answer, is fate unchangeable?

Even at his most powerless, man's existence is never without meaning.

However if you're trying to go against fate, you're going against
the Law of Nature?

And the outcome could be even worse...

Anyway, even if I don't enjoy my days I still hope that everyone out there does so...

Happy Winter Solstice Festival, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year
 to everyone who is celebrating!

#10 - The Law of Looking For A Change

A very hello to my blog and my fellow blog readers! Well, I actually don't feel like updating my blog very often. It's not that I don't have the time to do so, I just don't have the mood and have nothing to write about. But sometimes throwing every feeling here is a good idea too. By the way, I do enjoy reading others' blog as well^^

A saying I've recently heard from others, "Changing is the only thing unchanged" (or something like that) clearly states that the world keeps changing and it's undeniably non-stop. So tell me, what's permanent? None at all. Guess I wish I could change myself too and turn over a new leaf, a new start, a new life, for a better but before the next upcoming new year as things will be too late to be changed in last minute. But how? Stubborn people like me always sticks to the same old story and can hardly change, eh. I have sleep problem again, I have study problem again and I have...haiz. Inappropriate sleeping habit, laziness and facebook addiction really can kill me.

Mankind always looks for evolution and NOT devolution or a constant! When I look at my surroundings, my friends and others, I seem like I'm just walking without effort here looking at their back hopelessly and I wonder, how far have you all been and how far can you all possibly reach before I can catch up with you all? Gosh, I sometimes feel like I'm still living behind the times. Is the world turning way too fast or I'm just moving too slow? Yeah, I know I'm not talented in most of the things and I'm tired of being the last one but I always do.

Since I'd chosen to remain in science stream, I've told myself that this time is my very last hard chance staying in my school and I gotta put my very best effort for this, unlike my past SPM papers which I'm honestly dissatisfied as I didn't try my best at all for that. But once again, I broke my promise and time's wasted till now. Looking at the syllabus that I'm taking now really makes me feel like throwing all those books. Sometimes I don't even know what am I studying and now I'm still feeling lost in my road. I don't know what I'm writing here as well. I've set-up my pillow and tried to picture out about my future, but it's just a vacuum in my mind. I don't have much interest on things, thus I've no idea what the aim of my life is and I can't shape it well.

I also feel disappointed to hear that some of my colleagues have given up, some have changed to art stream, some have moved out to college, while some have decided to quit Form6. Somehow this makes me feel like giving up too. I can't blame neither the class nor the teachers as I can say I'm lucky and glad to have a good class after all. LSS2 my current class, you rocks! However, although it's really relax in the class, I can feel the danger in academic for being too relax. Meanwhile, I have complaints from my neighbor colleagues claiming that they are having problems with their respective classes and teachers. Seriously, it ain't a very good idea to over-pressurize students and I'm sorry that I can't help you guys out. However, neither way is good too. Being too relax can leads to laziness, being too tensed may leads to craziness!

And again, I feel like I've been abandoned again, leaving me a bitter taste of being an extra in the world. Well, this is pretty much similar to what one of my friends feels, but I don't know what he's up to. But for me I've an old friend and could be partner in my current class initially but now he's not that close to me anymore. Okay, I don't wanna go any further about him but I wonder what's wrong with me. Yeah, I understand this feeling and it's sometimes really unbearable that I stopped typing this, switched off the computer and went onto the bed or out for a see-saw for a moment. This moody feeling just strike on me without unknown reason sometimes. Am I emo-ing? Guess I shouldn't think too much and let it happens spontaneously.

Today's already in the middle of November and will soon move on to December, a closing of year 2010. There're plenty things I wanna do. I want to travel badly, having a trip, visit or a camp will do. I want to have a taste in driving and finish my driving test but I still haven't start taking it for a reason. I wanna update myself with TVB dramas too, like others. But dreams act like dreams(it's not realistic) as I realize that this upcoming big holiday is the time to brush up my studies or else it will be too late to do so next year. If I've wasted this last golden time, I might not be able to catch up and I might give up. Currently have an urge to read literatures and I should have sometime for it.

Well said, but still I believe in the saying that let nature takes its own course, just gives it your best shot. I will let everything happens spontaneously and I won't go too far on one thing but I'll do what I supposed to do, that's all. There're secrets I can't tell and please, let the secret be a secret. Guess I'm not wrong as I believe everyone has its own secrets. Throughout the year, things happen up and down with bittersweet. Although I'm not sure what I can do, I'm still definitely hoping for a change, a better and more comfortable yet a simple life. But one thing I know I wanna change is the way I blog, doesn't it looks too wordy? Maybe short and simple with more graphics should be better...


~Take a look at yourself, and make a change!~

#9 - The Law of The 35 Thingy In Facebook

Aim : To know more about You who I've tagged and to follow the rules of this 35 thingy
Theory : Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 35 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you.
Procedure : Write 35 things you wanna share with. At the end, tag anyone you can think of, including the one who tagged you. If you have already wrote this note before, kindly tag me in it.

My Contents:
1. I have eyelashes of about 1 cm long!
2. Styling and combing my hair is a waste of time
3. I need more sleep! Always have insomnia...
4. My opinion, people should sleep EARLY AT NIGHT not day time...but I never do that successfully :(
5. I still feel that I'm underweight even though my BMI is 19.8 which is in the ideal weight category
6. I wanna grow taller too
7. I like trying new things but will never master it as skillful as others
8. I'm kinda lazy worm ~
9. Never study for exam, study for your future...but I always only study when exam comes
10. Somehow, have lost interest and concentration in studies
11. I want back my spirit of Standard 6 when I happened to be a 'study type'
12. I don't talk much these few years for unknown reason...hmm
13. I'm always alone...but I know I have friends out there...Yo, guys!
14. I miss my late one(s) a lot =(
15. I love animals and don't murder insects^^
16. I rear dogs, fishes, hamsters, turtles, and cats in my house!
17. I love a simple rural life somehow rather than an urban life
18. I love my phone and I need a phone string for her
19. I appreciate things given
20. I cheated death twice! Thank God~
21. I happened to be a noob kid during my childhood
22. I eat to live, not live to eat
23. I always look at my phone and wait for something for unknown reason...
24. I wanna play all Suikoden game series so badly =(
25. If I hate a person, I don't talk a single word to that fellow...but now I'm very forgiving^^
26. I like ramen^^
27. I like to run and jog...but sucks in sports
28. I'm a pure banana...and so don't speak with me Mandarin, Tamil, Japanese, etc. other than Cantonese, English and Malay...please
29. Because I study in SMI since primary...I'm too gonna get that silver spoon thing
30. I like white and green...and black as well, but used to like blue
31. I kinda like anime and is now chasing after Naruto's anime and manga weekly jump
32. I somehow don't know how to react in certain simple situation
34. I wonder who is actually reading this word by word @@
35. It's way too long that you probably don't realize my content of 33's missing =D

#8 - The Law of Nothingness

A word 'nothing' which simply indicates the absence of something, is a word I kinda like. It simply means peace to me. "...feels like nothing". Though it sounds bored, at least I'm free from something that bothers me. Imagine how free and relief it can be when you manage to say it out genuinely that you've NOTHING to do, NOTHING to worry about, etc. Free from burdensome and troublesome. The usage of 'nothing' helps alot when you don't feel like explaining on something that people ask. Answering, "Oh, it's nothing..." or "nothing in particular"...and it shall be the end of story.
Perhaps I'm a kinda person who has nothing to say, don't wanna talk much or maybe I actually don't know how to talk la in any kind of conversation.
With that, people around me can find me lonely and quiet. If you ask me something I answer something, that's it. Yeah I know it sounds real bored and not lively, but that's me.
Meanwhile, I also don't like others to know my own problem. Even if you sound it out from your heart, it can only comfort you more or gives you more choices to make(if anyone gives you some better ideas), at the end the solution still has to be made out by yourself. It's like when you're having an illness and go for a doctor's help, they can only give you the right medicine, it's up to you to take the medicine and follow the therapy or not. No one can cure you if you don't wanna cure yourself.

If I'm given a choice to live, I would prefer the world in the state of emptiness. The world of freedom. Even in the world of materialistic, mankind are still having lots of problems among themselves. Nihilism also exists which argues that life is without objective meaning, purpose, or intrinsic value. In this way, peace can't be achieved even we have lots of modern entertainments due to our self-centredness and self-absorption which are ascendant. Eventually, it's found that everything was pointless, full of misery or bodings of misery with no escape other than the certain black nothingness of death. It seems 'self' is too much important to oneself that couldn't be let go, thus definitely will suffer in the circle of life with greediness, hatred/love, addiction.
If there's a born, there'll be old and ill, then death. And it repeats as a circle. But remember, nothing is permanent. Even mountain can collapse, rocks can break, stones can decay, sand can flow away. So, people should really throw away the 'self' in order to achieve true peace.

If there's nothing, there's no something.
Well still, it's just a random thought.
However just like the mood of the title above, there will be nothing new to read here later on, till then...

[nothing to display]

#7 - The Law of Outdated Being

A long time it has been, it seems, since I have stopped blogging. Yeah, it has been inactive and was allowed to switch into 'sleeping' mode for quite a long period. So now please wake up from sleep! The same thing goes to its blogger, who needs discipline as every time is defeated by his laziness and negative attitudes. I can say that so far I have done and possessed nothing useful at all throughout my Form 6 life this 3 months roughly. This has defined the meaning of sleeping mode, which means sleeping has no work done and nothing is gained. So, I guess my time has been wasted for nothing except the hardship of Form 6. I really need to wake up!

Well, when it comes to hardship, I guess I should talk something of my story here. Aduh, Form6 oh Form6. Why are you so tough? I don't know what others thing about it, but as for me, it's like a difference between sky and ground compared to Form5. It's now the matter of well-time management, high-focus, and consistency but not the 'last minute' strategy that can be applied in Form5. Even if I understood what teachers are teaching, I still can hardly apply in solving questions. However, I still believe in the idiom of 'practise makes perfect'. Honestly, this August test, I failed with flying colours! Somebody please helps me and no more 'last minute' strategy!!!

Ohya, let me put this filler in to make it longer. I would like to continue my story after my #4 - working life ends. It ended on 14 Feb and on 15 March I have received my first salary in the form of cheque. But unfortunately due to myKad's microchip unaccessiblity, it blocked me to open my first bank account ever for the salary transferring. When it's after my 18th birthday on 17th April, I could renew my IC. The process took about 1 month time and when I could take back my new IC, the school's already reopened. With that, I had spent 30% my salary for the school reopen stuff. Namely school attires, fees, books, etc and RM200 to my dad, RM400 left for me. I thought it's time to learn driving but I'm not sure I have time for this in Form6 and at the same time, I was very keen to upgrade my ciplak handphone. That's why till today I still haven't get my driving license yet. I'm so proud that others have gotten theirs, but even if I have gotten mine, from where to get a car for me to drive? But I love my new mobilephone now and I couldn't ask more for what I'm having(computer with internet) now thanks to my dad and sis.

Now, I come to know that studying in Form6 is quite expensive, eh. Especially when you include all those special events and co-curriculum activities, there'r all about money. I'm so thankful to my dad's and sis's financial support even we are having family financial problem. I really have no idea of how to repay YOU. I have a point of working part-time in my mind but it turns as dream as I can hardly find free time for even my studies. To add salt to injury, I'm currently given the responsibility to manage books in my school library since I chose to join the librarian. What a pain when I have no experience to do all those stuff as a newbie. Why I'm the one chosen?

So far, I can mainly feel tired and sleep in the evening and night. I even have neglected my daily exercise which I used to practise earlier. With that, I know my body gradually becomes weaker and weaker and so for my stamina.
Gosh...I feel like myself is having devolution instead of improving by times. I find my language is actually deteriorating and I'm lack of languages(especially Mandarin), lack of knowledges, lack of talents and also lack of self-confidence. How am I gonna live on with these? OR how am I gonna improve myself from these? Pain...

Eh, about my love life? I don't dare to think about it even if I have feelings of it. As what Chi Hong said, JUST DO STAY POSITIVE. Having a crush on somebody who is not possible yours is really painful. Pain...
I should think for my own future or at least settle it down first instead of thinking the other 'half future' at the first place.



"...There has to be the right thing to do,
when you'r hurt u learn to hate,
when u hurt someone, you'r resented,
and start to feel guilty as well...
however, understanding such pain enables u to be kind to others,
knowing pain helps us to grow up, to mature,
and to grow up means being able to think,
and make one's decisions on their own...
to know and reflect on pain, and come up with your own answer..."

~by Pain(Nagato),Naruto.

#6 - The Law of Discipline

As usual, I keep on trying to practise something useful everyday. But honestly I've skipped those habitual activities for several days due to my laziness. I admit that I've no discipline to do anything, and even fail to start a new resolution for myself. Sigh, I know I really can hardly control myself even just to follow my timetable and finally end up playing in the whole day and staying up late at night. Although I understand it's a bad habit that people shouldn't follow, I just couldn't help myself. Is it because the devil of me?

Well, discipline is the instant willingness and obedience to all orders, respect for authority, self reliance and teamwork. The ability to do the right thing even when no one is watching or suffer the consequences of guilt which produces pain in our bodies, through pain comes discipline. Initially, we practise school discipline when we are in childhood. However, not everyone is well disciplined, instead they commit to the increasing disciplinary problems in school, included me.

Self discipline is very important yet no one can actually maintain it in 100%. I want THE POWER TO DISCIPLINE ONE'S OWN FEELINGS, DESIRES, ETC. which is called SELF DISCIPLINE, PLEASE! in order to beat the devil of me and unblock the intention to improve myself. Generally, self-discipline is the assertion of willpower over more base desires, and is usually understood to be a synonym of 'self control'. Self-discipline is to some extent a substitute for motivation, when one uses reason to determine a best course of action that opposes one's desires. Virtuous behavior is when one's motivations are aligned with one's reasoned aims: to do what you know is best and to do it genuinely gladly. Continent behavior, on the other hand, is when one does what one knows is best, but must do it by opposing one's motivations. Moving from continent to virtuous behavior requires training and some self discipline.

Well, let's see who can really maintain its own discipline...

~ The biggest enemy is your inner self ~ by kH

#5 - The Law of Spiritual Power.

As we are living in a materialistic world, do you know that praying is important to everything? In fact, we cannot deny that success is 99% perspiration and only 1% inspiration. Whether human being like it or not, we need guidance from the Almigthy. Always be humble before the forces called GOD. Always seek for guidance not only from our parents, relatives, teachers, friends, etc. but GOD. Likewise, people might finds that others are not depentable at a certain time and they are so lonely to handle things alone, so GOD is always the best thing in the mind. Pray in your own way. Pray in whatever ways you believe in. Most important of all, PRAY! ASK FOR YOUR GUIDANCE SINCERELY. The meaning of sincerity is the words from the bottom of your heart. At the same time, the effectiveness depends in your sincerity of long term praying. The longer term you pray, the more power you deserve!

As for Buddhism like mine, another spiritual power is the power of chanting of mantra. The most common mantra is The Great Compassion Mantra (Da Bei Zhou). Mantra is known as sacred word or syllable used as an object of concentration and embodying some aspect of spiritual power. It is believed that unlimited advantages could be gained to those diligent cum sincere chanters and the main point is that any reciting should be done by NO means of any positive returns. This is to prevent greediness that affects the sincerity. And also the same theory, the effectiveness depends in your sincerity of long term chanting. The longer term you recite, the more power you deserve! Anyway, it is up to your own convenience.

Well, based on the long writing above, it is obvious that I'm gonna try to practise it and hopefully I do not give up on that boring chant this time and later on as what I did last time giving up due to laziness and boredom.

~ to be updated in the later post ~

#4 - The Law of Working Life

As for my very first job, I was so nervous and noob with zero experience when I stepped-in the working place. I knew nothing of being an efficient merchandiser cum promoter. Even during the first day, I could punch my attendance card wrongly. How silly I am, I thought. But never mind, I understand that learning from mistake is a very basic thing yet important in life. Well, after hearing another briefing, I tried to accomplish my job as smooth as possible. I have learned my duties and responsibilities, which I have to ensure merchandising standards of my company's products in all display area, included transferring stock(which I consider being a labourer) from back room to selling area, at the same time ensuring the correct promotion and pricing of the products all the time. Phew...quite challenging, huh. Moreover as a promoter, I am required to conduct myself in well-mannered way. Logically being friendly and giving a smile to customer or even to other workers is strictly recommended.

At the beginning, I felt absolutely bored and painfully tired in my leg part. Thanks to the low stock availability, I was so free that I could chit-chat with others and loitering all the way as if the market was mine. I could make many friends here, mainly Chinese and Malays, staffs & cashiers, supervisors, promoters, securities, cleaners, and even customers. However, unfortunately I have met some psycho-customers, a male with female dressing and other gay things. OMG, forget about it!!! Besides, so far all kinds of customers have been seen. Some are really troublesome idiots while there are also some polite-kinds. Well, what I can to is just be patient not to discredit myself. Last but not least, not to forget to thank my friends who are willing to accompany me during break time and visited me. YOU have energized my days!

~ to be continued ~

#3 - The Law of Merchandiser Vs Promoter

As everyone's busy now and some are 'rotting' at home, I don't want to waste any golden time too. Therefore, I have made up my mind to find a job in order to earn money for drivng lesson! Not to fill in my free time by doing such a thing because I rather spend my time to enjoy, not to work! Anyway, I have no choice but to work. Haiz...

So, I have looked into many vacancies, and the choice was either work as a promoter, merchendiser or labourer. At first, Starbucks but they don't want part timer. Failed in the first attempt. Next, Pizza Hut but I don't like their requirement eventhough the walk-in interview was successful. I actually prefer working in phone shop but no one accept me, failed again as the result. Then, I found a part time job at Ipoh Parkson, as a promoter for Pierre Gardin, but painfully at the same time I got another job from F&N Beverage Co. thanks to my friend. What a painful choice I mean! So what's now? Promoter or merchandiser or labourer?

Finally, I learnt that the F&N job got a higher pay, and I realized that my main purpose to work is to earn money. With that, I have chosen F&N job, working in Ipoh Parade Giant. I have started working since 22nd Jan and the contract lasts for 3 weeks only! Phew...now I'm considered as a promoter, merchandiser or even a labourer!

So, no need to wish me good luck or whatever as I have enough 'luck' last year and this year. Just pray that my pity tired smelly feet have super-regeneration ability!

Well, waiting for the day 14th Feb to come.

#2 - The Law of Understanding The Purpose In Life

As mankind's common sense, life's not just a matter of eating and sleeping. It's also not about getting rich and powerful. Life requires us to plan carefully of what we want to be and leading a meaningful life. Each and everyone of us sees life differently. We see life based on our upbringing and the type of family we come from. We see life according to the type of friends we mix with. If we are more exposed we see life from a more adventurous life. We are much more courageous. If we are timid and keep ourselves, we don't have confidence in ourselves.

Above all, it depends on you and you alone to decide what you want in life. The most important things is you have a purpose in life rather than drifting without an aim in life. The choice is yours. It's you who's going to decide your own future NOT Tom, Dick, old Hanry, NOT your neighbour or your auntie, NOT your father or mother, NOT ANYONE ELSE BUT YOU. What you do today will determine what you'll become tomorrow!


~ Vision without action is merely a dream, action without vision just passes the time, however, vision with action can change your life ~ by someone

#1 - The Law of The Beginning

As every ending must has its own opening, I guess here is the beginning of my blog, my first 2010 Blog ever! I would like to say it out proudly and happily as I managed to create my first blog in age 17 during late 2009, the last minute of year 2009! 2009 is the most auspicious, hurtful, yet important year for me. There was too much tearful feelings throughout the year, but at last I found it enjoyable in the last day of 2009. There are forever friends and teachers with me in outings, Facebook and MSN wishing "Happy New Year" to each other infinitely. Zillion thanks for making my days meaningful and finally a happy 2009 closing with you!

Well, here comes the new year, a new opening and journey for everyone and everything. Guess what? In just the first 30minutes of 2010, I have been scolded by my dad. Haiz, too bad. Never mind, forget about it. During the first day, and again, nothing special, just a 'boring' day except everyone kept on wishing and wishing Happy bla bla bla...and surprisingly there was an odd one, sms wishing me at night! I thought it's a random or 'sesat' case but then later I learnt that she's actually my friend. Haha, just strange and funny. Alright, end of story.
I hope that more strange and funny incidents would occur, filling my journey road fruitfully ahead...


~ Stamping a change! ~ by TTC